Monday, 28 February 2011

An open letter to Wayne Rooney

First, a little background. I dont 'do' football. I disagree with the amount of money earned by the 'top' players and feel it is grossly disproportionate, especially when there are nurses teachers and social workers who cannot afford to get a mortgage. But somehow yesterday i accidentally watched a bit of Match of the day.

It very quickly reminded me of another reason why i dont bother with football - the casual violence. Wayne Rooney was running past a fellow on the other team, approaching from behind. He was running toward the ball and the blokey from the opposing team was sort of drifting along toward the ball but without any real sense of purpose (as far as i could see). As Mr Rooney passed the other footballer he hopped up and.....


:o  < that was my face. There may have been a squeak emitted as my jaw hit the baby floor.

Is this how football is played now? 
He got a 'congratulations-for-existing' hug off the referee (who had missed the entire attack).

:o  <still my face, by the way.

His team manager (? I think?) said after the game that he was sticking with the referees decision (or lack of one) and looked generally rather smug.

:o  <again, im staying like this.

If I were in charge of that team i would be disgusted. Entirely disgusted. Admittedly, i dont know a great deal about 'the beautiful game' but surely this type of behaviour should be actively discouraged? 

Dear Mr Rooney, 

Belated congratulations on the birth of your son. I hope you and your wife thoroughly enjoy being parents. 
Yesterday i caught a little of a match you were playing in, where you elbowed a man in the face, entirely unprovoked and approaching him from behind so as he had no chance to avoid your strike.
You are a Father now, is this the type of example you wish to set for your son (and the thousands of youngsters who idolise you)? That violence is acceptable? Would you be proud if your son were to approach somebody from behind and randomly elbow them in the face?
I wonder what your parents had to say of you last night. Do you realize that they will be questioned about it? That you will have brought their parenting under attack with your childish lashing out?
And what about your parenting? Please dont think for one moment that nobody who saw that wondered what kind of parent is capable of acting that way.
Did you think about anything before you did it? I cannot imagine any thought process which results in an idea like that seeming like a good one!
What did you hope to accomplish?
Did you realise that you risked breaking that mans jaw? That thousands (if not millions) of people saw you do that? 
Did you do it then knowing that you could likely get away with what is basically assault? That had you done this anywhere else on earth other than that pitch, you would have been arrested?

concerned Parent 

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Compare my day...

Im officially disabled now. Did i say? Its bittersweet really. On the one hand it means a car, getting out of the house and no more hospital transport. Being able to take the children out and making up a little in experiences what they now miss in a mother. On the other hand im very uncomfortable accepting such a label - my brain still insists im fine, in my head im fully able - its only my body thats not with the program.

Every day is a shock to me, i really expected by now id be back on my feet, tweeting things like 'walked to the shop today, tired but glad to be walking!'. Instead i find i have very little to say, who want to hear 'made it to the loo in time again, yay me!'? Ive done a comparison below, it might prove to be depressive reading so dont feel you have to stay, i wont hold it against you x

My normal day.
Alarm goes off at half past six and as soon as i hear it i jump out of bed (yes, really).
I use the toilets, have a wash and brush my teeth. I get dressed and then go to wake up the boys. I wake them up by singing 'Good morning, good morning' and opening the curtains.
 I give them each a kiss and tell them how lovely it is to see them both. They get up and start getting ready for school.
 I go into the girls room and do the same, helping Princess and changing Chickin nappy and dressing her.

Back to my bedroom to turn off Hubby's alarm and wake him up and get dressed.
Down the stairs i go, to the kitchen. While i stick a load of washing in the machine and then prepare the breakfast the children help me out by getting out the cutlery, getting the coats ready and finding the shoes (which oddly enough are never in the shoe box). 
 After eating our breakfasts together we get on coats, wrestle the chick into the buggy and set off on the walk to school, meeting up with a friend on the way.
After walking the mile there, settling the three 'big ones' in to their respective classes and apologizing for whatever devastatingly important thing ive forgotten, i meet back up with my friend and we walk back together, often briefly stopping to catch up with other friends. Sometimes we stop at the shop, and once a month we walk the two and a half miles to the nearest trading post to stock up on tins and washing powder.

Once home i hang out the washing and put on another load - it never ends you know! The chick helps with the pegs and then weighs down the bin while i struggle the full bag out and take it to the big bin out the front. We'll usually play together til lunch, sometimes reading, colouring or watching a show but not today, today is shopping day so we grab the change bag (which i got ready the night before) and run for the bus.
 We have ninety minutes to get round the store before the bus leaves to go back which is just enough time to get all the bits on the list and maybe stop for a little treat at the cafe before we are off home again.
 Once home i unpack the frozen stuff and then the chick and i have lunch together. After lunch chick and i settle on the sofa for a cuddle and very soon she nods off for her sleep. I use this time, putting away the shopping, bringing in the dry washing, hanging the wet load and loading up the machine again. I might check emails on the computer, or do a bit of housework upstairs but i try to be back on the sofa next to her by the time she wakes up.
 Before long its time to go and collect the bigger babes from school, im tired but happy as i go from class to class collecting them up and we walk together. Sometimes we go to the park but not often, i dont like how busy it is right after school. Today isnt a dance day (Princess and Manic each have a dance class at the village hall once a week) so we go straight home.

After the usual chaos getting in the door and unraveling the children and emptying the buggy we set up to do homework or watch half an hour of tv or spend some time in the garden, depending on the day and the weather. All too soon Hubby is home and its time to start preparing dinner. I usually have at least one 'helper' and yet somehow dinner still gets made. The food is eaten, the plates are cleared and the dishwasher is loaded. Time for baths, time for respective bed time routines to begin. Hubby and i take turns with doing the bedtimes and spending dedicated one on one time with each of the children. Then before we know it its our bedtime too and off we go.

Boring, right? Totally predictable, suburban and blah. Nothing special at all. But its something i miss in my life with a fiery intensity. This is my day now...

I hear my alarm and groggily shut it off. Ive barely slept and im so tired, i hate hearing that thing go off. Im aware i wont necessarily know i need the toilet til im bursting so i should really get up and off to the loo.

 So i sleepily shuffle to the edge of the bed and im up and off.
Except im not, it doesnt quite work. I try again to stand up only to be met with a bolt of pain through my pelvis and back, and a weakness in my thighs which tells me i'll not make it an inch off the bed without something to pull myself up on. So i use the 'special' handle on the side of my bed - put there for that very purpose.

Now im up, and a little more awake i head to the bathroom.
 Except that wont work, with any weight on them my legs wont lift off the floor (not without a lot of pain and strain), so i grab for my crutches. Bit better, still hurts more than being in bed did but its lessened enough that i can move now. Off to the loo (i wont go into too much detail but there is a very attractive frame around our toilet now to help me get down and up) and into the other room to wash my hands.

Only now im knackared. Ive only just started and already im done. The pain im in has sucked out what little energy i had just in getting to the toilet. Shall i brush my teeth? It means letting go of one of the crutches - being only partially supported. No, it will have to wait.

I get back to bed and i just want sleep. But im a Mum and i cant give in yet. I want to go into the boys room and wake them up smiling, but I have to settle for calling to them from my bed. Not the same, but it does the job. The girls are up now too - one stone, two jobs i guess. Time to take my tablets.
I cant go downstairs and make their breakfast now, so i get Husband up and he does the down stairs duties with the children.
 I help however i can, doing nappy changes and supervising the dressing, reminding them to pick up their fruit for snack time or take in their bookbag, whatever i can remember.

Now they are all gone. Id love for chickin to stay with me but she cant - even with a gate at the top of the stairs and on the boys room i cant keep her safe. She is too inquisitive and in the hour the school run takes she could pretty much inquire the house to rubble.
 Just me and the boy then, and that is nice. I settle down to feed him and try to nap. Not on my side - if i do the front of my pelvis will overlap and get stuck, and worse at some point in the day it will unstick and un-overlap. So, im sort of diagonal really, ive cushions under and behind me. Im still hurting and uncomfortable but i might sleep.

Maybe i sleep, maybe i dont, maybe i doze or daydream, maybe i just stare out the window. But im close to my baby and im feeding him myself, and that is good.

Home already! Hubby is back, and Chickin is excited. What will i do with her this morning? Is it playgroup day? Are we off to the park maybe? Will i treat her with a bus ride to the seafront or the big park? 
 No, none of those things. I read her a story while Astro sleeps, but she gets bored soon after and goes to find Daddy. I love that they are so close now but i long for our old relationship back. Daddy entertains her now. 
 I switch on the computer and check my bank account, emails and listen online to the radio. The computer will stay on all day, its the only way to keep my brain going. I can hear Hubby and Chickin, doing housework, playing. At some point i get to brush my teeth but usually it involves realizing the trip is going to cost too much in pain and asking Hubby to bring it all to me. Lunch time rolls around and what do i want? Nothing really, i dont really get hungry anymore. But i ask for something, i know i must eat and Hubby will worry if i dont. Something simple it is then, and i eat as much as i can.
 Tablets again. They dont seem nearly as effective as they were, now barely taking the edge off and providing me no comfort, but i take them as they are better than nothing and i am afraid that asking for something stronger will mean giving up feeding Astro.
 I feed the baby again and play with him for a bit but he'll soon sleep. Chickin comes up to see me again and we read a book or watch a dvd. Sometimes she sleeps a bit and i turn to the computer, looking on Rightmove at pretty houses or harassing friends on facebook or twitter (you know who you are ;) ). 

 Hubby will try to pop up between housework jobs but cant stop long, i love him dearly though for his efforts. Before long its school run time again, i try to doze while Astro has a re-fill but often im too achy and restless. Boy do i miss that school run, especially on the cold clear days. The babes are home soon though and i put on my best smile and listen my hardest to their days events. I will do everything i can to stop my misery from becoming theirs. We watch tv, or they go downstairs for homework or to make the best of the better tv selection. Dinner is brought up and i eat what i can, take my tablets again. Hubby is clearly tired but he gets on with the bedtimes. I help as i can, changing a nappy, supervising the pj's or applying toothpaste to brush. If im having a 'good' day for pain i'll sit up for a while and fold some clean washing into piles to be put away.

 The kids are settled and Hubby comes to check if i need anything. We chat for a little while but he is tired so i tell him to go downstairs and enjoy the unrivaled remote or play on his xbox for a bit (he has more than earned it!). I'll feed the babe again and then play around on the computer til he comes up to bed. His comes in here again before bed for a while and we'll watch a bit of tv or chat briefly. He sleeps in the other room now, so his snoring doesnt prevent what little rest i get in the night.

 So, now alone i try to sleep, its often futile but i try none the less. I usually give up in the end, ending up roaming the internet til 2 or 3 am when my eyes feel heavier than the pain and i try to catch the doze and develop it to a sleep. Sometimes it works for a couple of hours, sometimes not and im staring out the window again or daydreaming the hours away til my alarm goes off again.

Its not inspiring, is it? This is why im finding it hard to write posts again - i really dont have anything new to say. Other than stories of how my brain and body are still at odds regarding my physical capabilities. I was having a good pain day on Saturday,so i somehow convinced myself i could stand. Just for a few minutes, just long enough to snap a few pics of the outgrown baby clothes im flogging. I must have been upright for maybe a minute, leant heavily on the side of the bed, before i collapsed in pain and weakness. That set me back four days, that minute - ive been in too much pain to even try and wash in the bathroom - only making it to the toilet out of sheer pigheadedness.

It kills me that something as natural as having a baby has left me like this, and that my problems continue to baffle doctors. Not having a plan, bugs me too. I like to be organised, to know where im going and what needs doing by when. I seem to be floating along on a sea of pain with no particular destination and no use of the experience.

I dont seem to have a proper close for this post, sorry if ive brought anyone down but i have to get it out somewhere and really, thats why i started this blog in the first place x

Images courtesy of Google Images

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Conversations with a two year old.

Chickin: Where is Princess?
Me: Shes gone for a wee wee.
C: I hit her face?
Me: No, dont hit her.
C: I sit on her head?
Me: No, dont sit on her head, its not very nice.
C: Yes?


C: Waalalalawlwlalalaalww (waving leg around)
Me: Put your foot down please
C: Weeaahaallwewwlaalaa
Me: Put your foot down before you hurt your brother
C: Wallaawaaallwwlaawwaa
Me: There, you just caught your brothers head. Thats not very nice, is it?!
C: Ohhooeeeaahahaallawaalla.


Me: Come on then Chikkie, lets get your socks on and you can go with Daddy to the school.
C: NO! No, i not goin'. I dont like the monsters.
Me: What monsters hun? You're just going to the school.
C: No! No school, monsters there!
Me: There arent any monsters baby, its only the school. You dont want to go to the school with Daddy?
C: Nooooo, no school, the monsters!
Me: Ok hun, ok. But you wont get to go find Dreamer, Manic and Princess.
C: Ohhhh. No, no school.
Me: Ok hun, you stay with Mummy and we'll have our snack together.
C: Yes! Snack! We have snack.
*12 seconds after Husband leaves for the school run*
C: I wanna go school with Daddy!

Thursday, 3 February 2011

One of those days.

Im having a 'day'. You know, a day where stupid, inconsequential little things really get to you and you'd like to curl up in a corner and sob about the unfairness of it all but you cant?

Yeah, one of them.

I listed the things that were bothering me and that just made me more depressed.
So i thought id share it.

Im nice like that.

*If you want to skip this post i totally forgive you x*

1) I decided to try baby signing with Astro. I bought the book and spent time reading it and learning how to spot his cues. His first sign, which he just did naturally and all by himself? 

2) Ordering a new tap thingy for the bath so i can finally have a shower and Husband needs a Thing for downstairs. Neither of his choices are in stock and i explain there is something similar and order that. He is fine with this until it arrives, and he says 'Its wrong, i needed one with holes in'. This is quite sufficient for me to grasp why it isnt suitable but he insists on launching into a long, drawn out, detailed explanation which leaves me quite certain he thinks im a moron. We have words.

3) Astro is a complete Daddy's boy. As are the older boys. The girls turned out to be Daddy's girls too, whats so wrong with me? Im way nicer!

4) I realised today that ive not had a shower/bath for around 6 weeks (hence taking matters into my own hands and ordering a new what-sit for the bath). I feel truly disgusting.*

5) Said what-sit cannot be installed until the weekend, at the very earliest, and is sat in its box at the end of the bed, mocking me.

6) My pain killers, along with keeping me awake, giving me fierce constipation and making my hair fall out are also getting less and less effective at taking any pain away and have changed my sense of taste so that pretty much every food i like now tastes completely crap to me.

7) The gross, disgusting, disease ridden mould downstairs (which will likely be responsible for the zombie apocalypse) is only getting worse and i cant bear the thought of the children spending any time near it so they are stuffed in here with me, which is lovely but im seriously claustrophobic and am boring the kids to death.

8) All i want is to have a shower and feel clean, get dressed and get out of the house. But i still cant. Our car has been delayed and we now wont get it til mid-March.

9) Husband put my juice in the wrong bottle and now my Ribena tastes pear-y. I dont like pears. But i cant waste the Ribena cos its so stupidly expensive.

10) All of our children's plates, bowls and cups are not bpa free. So now i need to replace them. Except nowhere in the UK does anything for anyone older than two years so i have to order from the US and pay the crippling postage.

11) My blog posts have stopped showing on my facebook news stream. Again.

12) I hate doing miserable, self-pitying blog posts like this but i need to let it out.

13) Nobody is commenting on my new facebook blog page thing so i still look like a freak just talking to myself.

14) One of my best friends is being all weird and passive aggressive with me and i dont know why or what ive done and i dont want to ask.

15) Ive felt for a very long time that there is something 'not quite right' about Manic but cant put my finger on it. Now someone else has mentioned it and i dont know how to go about helping him.

16) We desperately need a bigger house but our banding means we are just never going to get one. And i hate feeling like a scrounger being on benefits and on the council list even though there is absolutely nothing else we can do right now (and id never call anyone else in this situation a scrounger so why am i so hard on me?).

17) and now Pinks 'Who Knew' is on the radio and it reminds me of my sister and now im gonna cry.


Thankyou for listening x

*Oh, i do wash every day, ive just not had a proper bath or shower as i cant get in the bath and we dont have a shower (or didn't, til i got sick of the council fannying about and bought a mixer tap shower combo thing).

Dear So and So

Dear Advertisers at large, it has become clear to me that many of you think we are stupid.  Please see below.

Dear Aptamil advertisers,
 Im sorry but wtf? Who wears a scarf outside their coat? Oh, yes thats right, no one. Id imagine the gaping space between the scarf and the childs neck makes the scarf really more of a decorative item. Except arent decorative items meant to spruce things up and make then look better, not stupid?

Dear crisp manufacturers (namely Quavers and Skips), 
 I understand that in this current financial climate everyone is trying to save money and find ways to spend less on stuff. Really, i get it. Im guessing you guys decided the quickest way to retain profit without upping prices would be to change the way you flavour your product a little, maybe use something a bit cheaper? Fair enough, thats cool, i see where you are coming from. After all you have employees depending on you, we dont want any sackings going on!
Well... except for maybe one guy. The guy who decided onion is a great flavour alternative for a prawn cocktail and a cheese flavoured product. Yeah, that guy is stupid and should really be sacked because the last two multi-packs of Quavers and Skips we bought* i couldnt eat a single crisp for the overpowering onion flavour.

Dear make-up and hair product manufacturers,
 Id like to clear something up. It has become staggeringly clear to me that you neither believe your products are 'worth it' nor that your customers have any discernible intellect. Perhaps i should qualify - if your product is so frickin fantastic that it really is worth that much money, then why do you need to use fake eyelashes/professionally-styled-to-within-an-inch-of-their-lives supermodels/ computer trickery to make it look good?
 Yeah, exactly.

Dear time,
Please quit sucking so much. Id really appreciate it if on a Tuesday morning when i have exactly three hours to myself, you could stop haring past in the blink of an eye so i could actually get something of some use accomplished. 
 Also, when i am bored brainless and dying for the kids to be home id love if you could quit dragging your heels.
 Not much to ask, so i totally expect next Tuesday morning to take all day, ok? Thanks.

Dear Housing people.
 I love you guys. Did i mention how totally awesome your hair looks today? Seriously, have you lost weight? I mean it, you are all amazing.
Now please sort out our constantly flooding front garden which makes our entire living space fill with black mould (mmm healthy). 
 Actually, as we are officially overcrowded and all our well made plans to move into private rental are screwed now that im all crippled and shit, id really be impressed if you could find us another place to live. It would make life easier for the workmen too, cos then they could fix that front wall/front garden/nasty mould stuff in an empty house with no distraction. 
What was that? Yes, 5 bedrooms and a nice big garden would be fantastic, thanks!
 *wakes up* 

*we dont actually buy four multi-packs of crisps in one go, just so you know, we get one a fortnight, so this onion crap has been going on way too long.

Click my button (no, dont be gross, the button that says 'Dear So and So') to see more offerings.