There seems to be some confusion floating about, so please allow me to clear things up.
I keep hearing the question 'What is wrong' with me?
We'll stick to the physical here shall we? I have severe SPD. SPD is not a sexually transmitted disease, moron, its a complication of pregnancy. When you are pregnant your body makes hormones to (among other things) loosen the ligaments in your pelvis to allow a little movement during the birth.
In my case, my body went at making these hormones like a fatty goes for cake*. Far too much, in other words.
As a result of this my pelvis became very unstable. The best way i can describe the feeling of my pelvis is this...
Imagine a frame, from which is suspended 4 bones, all of these bones make an round shape and are held together very firmly. There is duct tape going round and round the outside of these bones so no matter which way you tip the frame they stay together. This equals healthy pelvis.
Now imagine these suspended bones have no duct tape and the best you could do was to link them to each other with lengths of old elastic, which you forgot to cut short. Now tip the frame and see the bones jiggle and sway. Beautiful arent they? Possibly, but they are no longer particularly practical for the purpose.
When your pelvis takes on the state of the second image and you try to stand it feels a lot like you are supporting the frame with your muscles and skin, rather than the frame supporting you. It also feels rather a lot like the whole lot may just decide to drop out at any given moment. Nice.
Now somewhere along all this jolly swinging pelvis activity something happened to my spine. I dont know what happened but it was something and it causes me a whole fuckload of pain. It is a word because i just used it, ok?
Now my MRI (an entirely delightful experience in itself) showed the SPD in all its glory AND what the technician/doctor/monkey with a stethoscope determined was 'an old injury'. As i have no old spinal injuries (pretty sure id remember that) we can only assume he misread the scan and are seeking another opinion.
Now, i do genuinely feel there has been some improvement in my pelvis. Not a great deal but it is a start. However i do not feel any improvement to my back, the pain from which is constant and swings from 'just about tolerable with all these drugs' to 'dear God its trying to kill me and im tempted to just let it'. Being the generally delightful ray of sunshine i am i try not to drag everyone else down with me. I force a smile on my face, i make myself still sit up and communicate (even when id be really much more comfortable shuffling under the pillow and not moving st all), i DONT force every person i see to sit through a long list of my aches pains and miseries. Im a giver like that, ok? I also force myself to make the painful journey down the stairs as often as my sanity can cope because i am aware my kids are missing out and i want this to cause them as little suffering as possible.
So, when you see me smiling, joking on twitter or facebook, or if you are one of the lucky few who get to actually see me and im talking, avoiding the subject of how i am and trying to seem an 'normal' as possible, please remember this is all for your fucking benefit and you better appreciate it or i will punctuate your next encounter with anguished screams of pain and torment, k?
Thanks for your time.
*as a recovering fatty who does love cake, i am totally allowed to say that.