Wednesday, 2 March 2011

What is *your* problem?!

There seems to be some confusion floating about, so please allow me to clear things up.


I keep hearing the question 'What is wrong' with me?
We'll stick to the physical here shall we? I have severe SPD. SPD is not a sexually transmitted disease, moron, its a complication of pregnancy. When you are pregnant your body makes hormones to (among other things) loosen the ligaments in your pelvis to allow a little movement during the birth.
 In my case, my body went at making these hormones like a fatty goes for cake*. Far too much, in other words.


As a result of this my pelvis became very unstable. The best way i can describe the feeling of my pelvis is this...


Imagine a frame, from which is suspended 4 bones, all of these bones make an round shape and are held together very firmly. There is duct tape going round and round the outside of these bones so no matter which way you tip the frame they stay together. This equals healthy pelvis.
Now imagine these suspended bones have no duct tape and the best you could do was to link them to each other with lengths of old elastic, which you forgot to cut short. Now tip the frame and see the bones jiggle and sway. Beautiful arent they? Possibly, but they are no longer particularly practical for the purpose.


When your pelvis takes on the state of the second image and you try to stand it feels a lot like you are supporting the frame with your muscles and skin, rather than the frame supporting you. It also feels rather a lot like the whole lot may just decide to drop out at any given moment. Nice.


Now somewhere along all this jolly swinging pelvis activity something happened to my spine. I dont know what happened but it was something and it causes me a whole fuckload of pain. It is a word because i just used it, ok?
Now my MRI (an entirely delightful experience in itself) showed the SPD in all its glory AND what the technician/doctor/monkey with a stethoscope determined was 'an old injury'. As i have no old spinal injuries (pretty sure id remember that) we can only assume he misread the scan and are seeking another opinion.


Now, i do genuinely feel there has been some improvement in my pelvis. Not a great deal but it is a start. However i do not feel any improvement to my back, the pain from which is constant and swings from 'just about tolerable with all these drugs' to 'dear God its trying to kill me and im tempted to just let it'. Being the generally delightful ray of sunshine i am i try not to drag everyone else down with me. I force a smile on my face, i make myself still sit up and communicate (even when id be really much more comfortable shuffling under the pillow and not moving st all), i DONT force every person i see to sit through a long list of my aches pains and miseries. Im a giver like that, ok? I also force myself to make the painful journey down the stairs as often as my sanity can cope because i am aware my kids are missing out and i want this to cause them as little suffering as possible.


So, when you see me smiling, joking on twitter or facebook, or if you are one of the lucky few who get to actually see me and im talking, avoiding the subject of how i am and trying to seem an 'normal' as possible, please remember this is all for your fucking benefit and you better appreciate it or i will punctuate your next encounter with anguished screams of pain and torment, k?


Thanks for your time.


*as a recovering fatty who does love cake, i am totally allowed to say that.

7 comments:

  1. My suspicion is that I'd be hiding under the duvet shouting 'it hurts, it hurts, make it stop'. But then, no-one believed I'd get through labour as well as I did, so maybe I'd be proved wrong. I really hope I never have to find out.

    I hope, one day when they are grown ups, your children appreciate the effort you make.

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  2. Pelvis, Interrupted3 March 2011 at 10:32

    Sarah, i have done that - i had to go without some of my pain meds one weekend (doctor cockup) and i really was like that. Not my finest moment!
    Im lucky my kids are how they are - they make the best of things and i try to teach them to focus on the silver lining. I never had this much time for board games and puzzles before!

    Mid-30's, hun, can you elaborate on that? xx

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  3. lady, if you are this fucking hilarious and entertaining while you are in shitloads of pain, I can only imagine the wild thing you'll be when you're not!
    people who get to spend time with you are the lucky ones.. if they're not worth the bother, then fuck 'em.

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  4. Do I take it you are not pregnant now? If no, I have never heard that you could still suffer with SPD after the babe. What a nightmare! So good to read that you try to stay cheerful and do what you can.

    Hope those docs can get some good answers for you soon.

    Mich x

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  5. I've never met you but by God I love you!

    As a fellow SPD mama myself - although not nearly to the horrific extent that you are - you have my sympathy. And I don't mean that in a 'poor you' way, more in a you-deserve-serious-kudos way.

    Although my SPD isn't as bad as yours, I can completely understand the feelings of helplessness, frustration, downright ANGER that you feel towards yourself for not being able to do simple things like other people, like RUN after the kids or, you know, get up from a chair without wincing. I've managed to sleep in bed with my husband maybe twice in the last almost 7 months because it's too uncomfortable (read - bloody agony)) but thankfully it's improving slowly. I actually think that my Stupid Pelvis may hold an adjustment now so I should get to the chiro.

    What's happening with your treatment? And i'm curious... what painkillers are you taking? I'm in the market for something because we've started putting little man to bed upstairs (he doesn't fit in the crib anymore lol) so I kinda need to sleep there too.

    (Oh and by the way - 'fuckload' is totally a word. word.)

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  6. I had SPD severely with my second son. I've blogged about it a bit. Frankly it was a dreadful look and a dreadful time. I love my children but I don't know how I feel about the risk of it again.

    I found the pain management side incredibly tough, and still do as though things are much better following birth (as I am no longer housebound, on crutches and reduced to peeing in the garden and taking drugs which stop me ever shitting) they are still bad enough that if I take no pain relief for a few days I often find the stairs almost impossible or get nightmares about being in pain (if and when I get to sleep).

    It is very shit, I hope yours improves.

    thatwoman

    x x x

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