Just a quick catch up tonight im afraid...
Im sorry ive not been about here much. I have been working on some new things for the blog and as a part of that im currently writing up my conception/birth stories. Its pretty hard going and rather emotional so some of it is coming a bit slow.
On this note - i'd really like to do a series of birth stories, so if any of you would like to take part just leave a comment with your email and i'll forward you the details, or click on the me tab and send me a quick message x
(you dont need to have had spd to participate, any and all stories welcome)
A lot of my time is being taken up by Astro. His teeth are really pushing at the moment and he looks at me with such hurt in his eyes - 'Mummy, why dont you make it go away? You are the fixer-make-it-better person, why dont you fix it?' He doesnt scream with the pain, so much as sob with heartbreak! As well as that, which is mostly an issue in the evening, he is just at such an amazing age, he responds to our voices, he babbles and is mimicking so many sounds, he is reaching for things and trying to grab with a purpose. We marvel daily at just how cool he is. :D
Over the last month or so, ive been taking stock. Im really very lucky but there are things i feel we need to improve on as a family, food being one - a post on that to come.
Husband and i have been talking about the future, my brokenness, the fact that for the first time since i was 17, there is no chance of any more babies, what we are hoping to achieve in this next year... you know those January type conversations. A lot is up in the air for us right now because of my physical condition, but making plans and looking forward is something that has always made me feel better - i love a bit of forward planning and organising!
I had my mri on Monday. The scan itself, though lonely and awfully loud (i had on ear defenders, which had radio piped in rather loudly and that was easily drowned out by the machine), wasn't as scary or claustrophobic as i was worried it would be. Dont get me wrong - that thing is close but there is room between your nose and the top.
The worst part was having to lay on my back for an hour. After about three minutes my pelvis quit playing nice and started to really hurt. After about fifteen minutes the stabbing sensations began (the lady did ask me if i wanted to stop but i knew if i got out id never get back in again). My back was killing me and my thighs were twitching - something that only started after the second pelvic crack** (the one after Astro was born), but we managed to get it done.
Ive been in agony despite my pain relief since Monday, which is partly why ive not posted (Husband says my back is visibly bruised from laying down for the scan, which explains some of the extra pain and discomfort). Before the mri it was because i was anxious and couldnt concentrate, and since the scan ive just not been able to focus past getting through the pain enough to be a Mama.
I dont do myself any favours when im in pain. My natural response is to draw into myself and stop communicating. Husband knows when in having a bad day because trying to hold a conversation with me is like trying to break a bad habit - not impossible but damn hard work! This could be why i have such difficulty getting medical professionals to see just how much pain i am in, they are used to kicking/screaming/visibly distressed people where as i just go a bit pale (so i am told), and have to rely on Husband getting my point across for me - sometimes i literally cannot speak.
Anyway, thankyou for taking the time to catch up with me, and hello to my new subscribers (or should i call you Interrupters?). Dont forget my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pelvis-Interrupted/105930342815614 where i'd really love to hear from you guys, i really value your comments and would love a bit of conversational flow but thats hard to achieve in the comments section!
Hope you are all doing well, best be off and try to sleep while its quiet! Night x
** I think ive figured out what the crack was - if i lay/lean too much to one side the front of my pelvis will overlap, and when i get back in a better position or try to stand that noise is it coming open again. Gross no? But fairly interesting, at least to me!