I only let on to two friends about this because i was worried, really worried, about what i would learn.
Today i got my mri test results.
And they were actually worse than i feared. They showed that (apart from the very slowly recovering SPD) there is nothing wrong with my back.
You may think "Well isnt this good news?" and in a way it is - I certainly dont want to be disabled, labelled or ill and in pain.
But (and this is a big one) im now left hanging again. I have no reason or explanation as to why my life is a constant struggle against excruciating pain and considerably reduced mobility.
I have to admit, i just cried. If there is an opposite to validated that is how i feel now. That doctor - the only one who took me seriously and empathised with me - can no longer help me. All he can do is pass me back to the physio and on to the pain clinic.
Limbo, thats where i live now. Its a painful and confusing place and i do not wish to be here.